I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
