what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Shame - the story of my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
