I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
