Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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