Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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