sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
