I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
