He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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