Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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