Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
