You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
