So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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