remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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