seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
