I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
