I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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