you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I will pee on everything he values.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
