Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
