What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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