Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
