it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
