The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
