Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
