Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
