dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You pole danced in your parka.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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