She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
