a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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