this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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