please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
