I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
