some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
