Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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