Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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