Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
