Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
