called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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