At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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