The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
