Plan B is the new Plan A
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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