I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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