The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
