I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
