the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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