allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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