I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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