Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
