there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
