You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
