Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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