you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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